Frequently Asked (And Misguided) Questions
Quite a few people get to my blog looking for things that … well, aren’t here. Nevillegirl recently posted about her search engine terms and mine are highly amusing, so I thought I’d answer a few of the burning questions people put to Google, as they seem to be getting redirected here.
We’ll start with a fairly normal one. “i give up, mariam i can read you”. *looks around* Okay, maybe not. I’m scared.
Then we’ve got “mythology reviewer for let”. I’m not sure what they’re looking for. Someone to review mythology books for them? Someone who will hire them to review mythology books? I don’t know. WRITE REVIEWS IF YOU MEAN THEM. Don’t pay or be paid.
Sigh.
How to grieve fictional characters
I can answer this one!
1. Lie down.
2. Try not to cry.
3. Cry.
hamlet written in first or third person
Oh my. It’s a PLAY, dearie. It’s ALL DIALOGUE.
reichenbach feels urban dictionary
Sherlock hurts its fangirls. Basically all I can say to that.
thor celtic mythology
No. Thor not Celtic. Thor Norse.
her name is myriam,she looks like has his brother because it is my sister
Okay, stop with the creepy … no. What? I don’t even know what that means.
do nerds like doctor who
Yes. A lot of them do. Not all of them, though.
how does arthur dent get a towel
Clearly it was magic. I’m kidding. I’m fairly sure Ford gave it to him, but I’d have to double check.
why are people named miriam so boring
I TAKE OFFENCE AT THAT. HOW DARE YOU?
if your brain was a hard drive how big would it be
The size of the planet. Honestly, and they get me to answer these questions. What do they think I am? A robot?
darthmirioun
I wasn’t aware I was a poorly-spelled Sith lord, but if there’s a position going….
i’ve watched all joss wheedon. what can i fill my tv with now?
I don’t know, but that’s very impressive. You should hang out with my brother; he might be able to help you.
is the book sabriel not good for christians
Read what you want. Broaden your horizons. It’s your life. (Also, it’s a brilliant book, and I was brought up going to church, so hey.)
how to remember how to spell biscuit
I’m sorry, I can’t help you. I hate that word.
how to be like artemis fowl
I know he’s awesome, but he’s a criminal. I really think you should stay in school and not kidnap fairies. Please. It’s not a good idea and they get really pissed off about it.
how do i convince everyone im not a psychopath
Walk out into a public place and yell I’M NOT A PSYCHOPATH. Or get a t-shirt or something. I don’t know. Let me know if you do figure it out, though.
sociopath sneeze
What.
don’t judge a book by its cover because its almost always a happy ending
We clearly read very different books.
dat wud b d weirdest dream
Dad wud b d worst grammar I’ve seen in a long time.
mordor captain jack harkness simply walks in
That he does.
onetruepairing johnlock
Oh no. The Johnlock shippers found my blog. HELP.
questions to ask myself before starting archery in my pe class
1. Are you feeling murderous? (If so, NO. STOP.)
2. Do you have arms? (If not, um. You might have problems.)
3. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO CHANNEL YOUR INNER PIGEON?
i can’t even touch my toes but i want to do ballet
YOU GO, little Google searcher. Go out there and do it. And then stretch every day and you’ll be able to touch them in a month or so.
do you think i could make things right do you know i’d live a thousand lives
I assume this is a lyric or something. No, I didn’t know that. But I do now.
beautiful agony hobbits to isengard
Yes. That is the best way to describe it. Thank you.
artemis fowl seven year old too young?
Probably. Then again, I read Lord of the Rings around then, so what the hell.
distinguish between sanity and hunger
Okay. You need psychological help, and that’s quite serious, so let’s just take this slowly…
asdfghjkl out64
I’m really sorry. If it’s any consolation, the Merlin finale did that to me, too.
my parents won’t let me watch lord of the rings
Well, that sucks. Go to a friend’s house. (Tolkien was a Catholic so it’s hardly Satanic, is it?)
how would you describe miriam
AWESOME AND NOT AT ALL BORING, DAMN IT.
does sansa stark appear in dr. who?
I’m fairly sure she doesn’t.
should a recurve bow be taller than you?
If it wants to. STOP TRYING TO CONTROL ITS LIFE. It doesn’t need you!
my siblings gang up on me and i am the youngest
I’m sorry. I know those feels. Come have a hug and rest assure that when you’re older, you and the others will gang up on the oldest. At least, that’s what happens to me.
do you hate that artemis fowl become nice in the book
No. He was adorable.
am i addicted to technology
If you’re asking Google… yes. Probably, you are.
voldemort volt de holt
First of all, I have no idea what this means. Second of all, I’m laughing too hard to answer. Oh dear.
now if you excuse me i’m going to destroy jotunheim
Have fun. I may join you.
(If I haven’t answered your questions, leave me comments, and I’ll answer them. However stupid. Well, within reason. They sort of have to be related to my blog and/or things I like, else how am I to answer them?)
/ Miriam out.
“Voldemort volt de holt”
I will not laugh. I will not laugh. I WILL NOT LAUGH!!!
Oh, what the heck…..I will laugh.
I don’t know what they’re trying to say. I really don’t.
These are only the family friendly search terms! You don’t even want to know about the others… O.o
I haven’t got any idea either, maybe that’s why I’m laughing so hard, because they just don’t make any sense.
No, I do not. O.o
I admit it. I laughed at ‘why are people named miriam so boring’. *pats while trying to muffle laughter*
Wow, I think these are better than mine!
This is just from the last quarter. I’ve had so many in the past… after all, this blog has existed for a pretty long time!
You kill me, Miriam, with your funny answers to stupid questions. My sides be splitting.
I’m glad to hear it
That’s my aim in life. To make you giggle so hard your sides split.
Do you mind patching me back up now? You’ll find needle and thread in the left drawer. Quick, before my intestines begin to decay.
I need some whiskey for this.
(I’m kidding. I don’t drink. It was a Supernatural reference.)
*sews Liam back up again* Feeling better?
…I thought the whiskey was to sterilize the needle. And you tied my small intestine around my pancreas.
… Where’s it supposed to go?
Um… If it wasn’t life-threatening, I wouldn’t be making a fuss, but as it is… Perhaps around the liver instead?
*hastily fixes Liam*
Yay! I’m fixed. Wait… You left out my gall bladder.
You’ll cope.
No, wait, it’s my heart. See it palpitating?
*magics Liam back to health*
You’re fine. Stop complaining.
One more shot of magic should do it.
*zaps* There, mud boy.
Thank you! Now you’ve given me enough residual magic to defeat Charley R. once and for all! FOR NARNIA!
You stop right there, Mud Boy, or you’ll be eating dirt for the next few years. I’m backing Charley too, so you’ll not be able to overpower her.
Ah, but during the transfer I drained more magic than you realized. You are not running hot by any means, Holly Miriam Short Joy.
You think so? *dramatic pose, whips out acorn*
*dramatic pose, points at concrete floor*
*presses button on wrist and laughs as Iron Man suit forms around her* You did not allow for crossover fiction! *blasts floor with lasers* Now I shall have my powers…
{I feel like this probably isn’t the best place for this conversation to take place.}
Not crossover fiction! NOOOO!
{Charley R. and I do it all the time– where else is there?}
*laughs evilly*
{I feel I’ve known you long enough that we could take this over into email territory…}
If that’s the way we’re going to do things around here… Eat tribbles, Dalek-Wookie scum!
{Charley and I have something like ten going on in comments and one going on in NaNoMail. I don’t mind this, but if you want to switch…}
Yeah, well, I’ve got TWO types of dwarf, so I win. *hides behind Kili and Mulch* Ha!
And I’ve got three types of elf. Commander Kelp! Legolas! Blodhgarm! Forward!
{inappropriately long roleplay for situation has moved to emails, for any others following and wondering why it absents itself at this point}
{Indeed.}
Oh but it was so hilarious to read! *grins*
“don’t judge a book by its cover because its almost always a happy ending” Nope. Nope. So not true. WHAT BOOKS DO YOU READ, PERSON? Tell me what they are. Happy endings are nice. Rare.
And the Merlin finale!! *lies down* *tries not to cry* *cries*
But these are…wow…interesting searching is done on Google.
I’m not a big fan of happy endings. That said, I was an emotional wreck thanks to the Merlin finale, so…
I haven’t even watched it(spoiled by Tumblr) and I’m already feeling close to being a emotional wreck. *sighs* I do like my happy endings– though I like them to feel realistic.
I… I don’t know. I just cried so hard at that because of the emotions and stuff. Like, it just hurt. A lot more than it should, I think.
I know. *sighs* So heartbreaking.
This was as good as the NaNoism thread on NaNoWriMo. :The Thor especially cracked me up.
A compliment indeed! *bows*
Seriously? You get all that and I get things that are basicaly related to my blog? Mostly about the tips to cooling down phones post.
Ha ha, most of my search terms are archery related…
But yeah, I get a lot of search referrers. I’m not sure why. Clearly I’m very search-engine optimised or something. Je sais pas.
Ah, that’s kinda strange. It’s not that I get few search referrers, it’s just that there’s no variety or humorous entries. And that’s sad. xD
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CHANNEL YOUR INNER PIGEON.
I love that so much. As well as the discussin of the recurve bow and its life choices.
You do the best FAQ answers ever.
I have a lot of practice. I get a lot of stupid questions
Ahehehehe, they’re HILARIOUS though!
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